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Mr.obama Meets Pa Kettle


karlunity

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Mr.Obama Meets Pa Kettle

"Hello Mister Kettle, my name"s Obama and I'm from the government."

Pa Kettle looked up from chopping wood and says, "What can I do for you Mister Obama?"

"I' m here to sell you an insurance policy."

"Mister president, if that's who you are, you can get off my property. Gates over there. I don't need no insurance."

"Mister Kettle, I'm afraid I can't get off your property, because, well, it's not really yours. It really belongs to the government."

Pa Kettle looks at the president and says, "Mister President, if that is who you are... and I have my doubts with you coming in here pretending to be an insurance salesman and telling me my property really isn't my property, I built this house, this barn, and..."

The president interrupts Pa Kettle and says, "Pa Kettle, that's not actually true." He cleared his throat and said, "Pa kettle, you might have put that house up, but you did it with gasoline carried on the roads, and you might have built that barn, but you couldn't have done it without the lumber-mills and the highways. See, Pa Kettle, you really
didn't build that, the government allowed you to build it and gave you the tools to do it with." He cleared his throat, and pretended to ignore that Pa Kettle was inching toward his shotgun. "So, Mister Kettle, I'm here to tell you that you are going to buy an insurance policy."

"Mister president, and I'm pretty sure you're lying now, a president of the united states is supposed to be enforcing the laws of the United States, not selling insurance. Is it even government insurance?"

Mr. Obama says, "No, it's a private company, not a government company."

Pa Kettle says, "I heard you let them illegals stay in the US of A."

Mr. Obama says, "I did."

"Then, mister insurance salesman, you are not... let me see if I remember my history class, it was third grade and that was a long while ago, ah, I remember, you are to faithfully execute the laws of the United States. So you admit that you are not doing that. You're also not a good insurance salesman, Mister President, if that's who you are."

Mr. Obama says, "Sir, with all due respect..."

"So far Mister President, you've not earned any respect to be due you..."

"I' m not here to sell you a policy, I'm here to tell you that you are going to buy a policy, now, or I am going to start taking money from you."

"So you're an insurance salesman, liar, and now a thief?" He shakes his head, and moves a little closer to his shotgun while wiping his face from cutting wood to heat the house he didn't really build.

"Sir, I'm not a thief..."

"mister President, if that is who you are, a thief is someone that takes something that doesn't belong to them. Are you now saying, after you just threatened me with taking my money, that you are not taking my money?"

"But Mister Kettle," the president said, exasperated, "I' m not taking your money!"

Mister president, if I have a dollar today, and you take a dollar from me, then I have no dollars. If you have that money, and I no longer have that money, have you not taken it from me? If you have, then you're a thief, and if you haven't, then where did my dollar go?"

"But you will get your money back!"

"How about not stealing it in the first place!"

"You don't understand how things work today, Mister Kettle."

"Oh, I think I understand just fine. But let's get another opinion. Ma Kettle, can you come out here please?"

She yelled from inside the house, "Fine, but if these biskits come out funny it's your fault!"

Pa Kettle says under his breath, "not if this person pretending to be president is right..."

"So who is this, Pa?"

This is the president of the United States!

"Oh, pleasure to meet you, Mister President." She wipes her hands on her apron, and tries to wipe flour off her face. "What brings you out
to these parts?"

"I' m here to sell you an insurance policy."

"Now Pa, I aint' got time for no jokes," and she huffs back to the kitchen to finish her biskits.

"See, Mister president, if that is who you are, I don't remember ever seeing the job description of the President of the United States as "Insurance Salesman."

"look, Pa Kettle, I'm not an insurance salesman. I'm here to sell you a policy, but you don't have a choice, you have to buy it. I'm just here to tell you that you have to buyy it within the next few days."

"And what will I buy your policy with?" Pa Kettle asks as he leans on his axe.

"Why, We'll give you a tax break to pay for it with!"

"Now wait a minute, Mister Insurance Salesman. Are you now claiming that the government works for an insurance company? You seem to be working for them, and if you are, then 'haps the rest are, too. What's become of this country!"

"What do you mean, Mister Kettle? Work for an insurance company?"

"Well, Mister President, if you can use tax money, money we give you to secure our nation, keep our roads up, and provide schools for our children, to buy everyone an insurance policy, then it seems to me that either you are owned by the insurance company, or the insurance company owns you. Now, earlier you said that you didn't buy the insurance company, so that means that they now own you."

"No, Pa Kettle, we need the insurance companies to fulfill a core responsibility and insure people that don't have insurance... so we passed a law that makes them do it even if they don't want to."

"And who is going to pay for this? I thought that a business' s core responsibility was to make money, not provide handouts. If you run a business and give handouts, you're doing really well, so well that you have money you can't spend fast enough, or you don't plan to survive and are just giving up. I hain't never heard of a law that forces a private
company to do business in a way that is bad for them! What kind of silly law is that?"

"But, Pa Kettle, they will make some money, they make enough and we make them give some back, and when they don't make enough, we given them some."

"Oh? You give them money so that they can give something away? And where do you get this money you give them?"

"From taxes on people who don't buy their policies!"

"So now you are extorting people's money, and giving it away to someone they don't want to do business with?" Pa shook his head and said, "I want that kind of business, Mister Insurance Company Representative. I want a business that I don't have to work to make money in, pays out more than it takes in, then fines people for not buying a policy by taxing the people and stealing their money from them."

"But that's not what we are doing!"

"Sounds like it to me!"

"I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody."

"It' s good for the man who gets it, but not so good from the man who you steal it from!"

"Those men have made enough money already, they need to pay some back!"

"Pay it back to who? Who are they going to pay it back to? Are you saying that the owner of Joe's Hardware has enough money, so he has to give me some? Mister President, I'm no thief, and I don't want money you stole from someone else. How about we let Joe keep his money, and he can use it as he wants to."

"Look, Pa, I've been to all fifty seven states, and have one left to go. Why are you making this difficult?"

Pa kettle looks at him and just shakes his head. After a minute he says, "Mister president, where did you go to school at?"

"Hawaii. "

"Mister President, I don't know what they teach in Hawaii, but in the schools I went to, we had 50 states, taking someone' s money is stealing, giving it to someone else is fraud, and if the US government is now owned by an insurance company, then we are all in a lot of trouble."

"Pa Kettle, I know you're bitter and clinging to your guns and religion..."

He says, "The president of the United States has to be the most honorable man alive. He has to be patriotic, honest, and care about people..."

"I do care, that..."

"No, Mister Insurance Salesman, you had your say, now it's my turn." He started backing the president toward the gate. "Mister president, you come to my house that I built, and tell me you are going to steal money from me. You tell me you steal from people and give it to the insurance company so that they make money they don't earn and don't seem to realize that is no better than a bully stealing lunch money. You don't even know how many states are in this nation, and your first grade teacher failed you, badly. You let people break the law, and enforce it on others, and that's not fair and not the way your job is supposed to be done. So you need to get your insurance salesman rear end off my property and go back to Washington and tell them that Pa Kettle sends them a message."

Mr. Obama makes it to the gate, and with a sneer, says, "what’s the message, Mister Kettle."

Pa Kettle says, "I' m ashamed of them."

Pa opens the gate and says, "Now, you just run along, mister Insurance Salesman." After he locks the gate, he walks back to the house where Ma Kettle says, "Really, Pa, who was that? And no nonsense about it being the president."

"Just another insurance salesman, dear, just another insurance salesman."
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