Purina Diet

[FC]

Shopper Story

 

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in

line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.........

Duh!

 

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting

"The Purina Diet" again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd

ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before

I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of

my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her

head.

 

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying

it .

 

I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it

works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

 

The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to

try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the

line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy

behind her.

 

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and

was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting

in the street licking my butt when a car hit me. I thought the tall guy

was going to have to be carried out the door.

 

 

 

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup."

 

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

 

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

 

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

 

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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

 

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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"

 

The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."