swamprat

Keep'em comin! I knew I wasn't the only Red Neck. fritz, That little lettered usa was a small island off the coast of Japan. Pronounced USE-A. Swamprat

Thanks! Thats what I wanted to hear. Now to get one bought. Swamprat

Say's video not available Swamprat

Before I went in the Marines I never wore a hat.This from a boy who grew up on the Kansas plains and put up hay in the summer. Once in the Marines I found out it was called a cover and have worn one ever since. I can't go outside without a bill over my eyes. Not only does the sun hurt my eyes but I feel plumb nude without one. I have seen all the bash the red-neck jokes about having a dress baseball cap. Let me tell you. I got one! I have a formal cover and a work cover. Formal is NRA lifetime member, jet black with gold pipeing. Work has two bullet holes in the front and say's, "My gun cleaning hat". I am not bald but am sure thinning ,so I don't ware to cover-up a bald spot. Just wondering how many other RED-NECKS are out there. Part-timers may chime in (weekends, hunting, vacation). You got a favorite hat? Let's hear about it. If you got the capabilities post a picture. I would really like to see some work hat's or at least hear about them. Also favorite hat's that have passed over and gone to a greater reward. One I dearly miss is the cover I wore I Viet Nam. Swamprat

The reason for that is the schnapps. fritz And that is suppose to be bad how? Swamprat

Worn piston wrist pin will make a tapping noise. Does the knock happen when you speed up or when you slow down the engine? Take a long screwdriver and hold the handle against your ear and the tip at various places on the engine and you can pin point noise. Or use a stethascope since your wife is a nurse. Also a blown head gasket or cracked head will let water get on top of piston causing a knock. If you are taking it in for overhaul I would quit using it and take it now. Further use may cause unrepairable damage (like a hole in the block). Swamprat

Jim, Glad to hear your doing alright. What outfit do you drive for? I'll send you a personnel message with contact info. Swamprat

Sorry to hear about your wife. Will pray for quick recovery. You take care and hurry back. Swamprat

Why do we have coast guard put only have a border patrol? Doesn't seem to make much since to guard one and only patrol the other. Maybe we should put the Coast Guard to guarding the whole works. They seem to do a good job with the boat people. Swamprat

Don't know why I put regular and not premium for ethyl. Must be the result of the exhaust fumes with all that lead. Another one Coal Oil-- kerosene Swamprat

Glad to hear from you. You need to stop by and tell us all about your new home in NM. Swamprat

Ok I know I said I was going to sell all my guns and quit fighting the gun grappers however I've had a change of heart. Screw them! I need to know how well a S&W model 66 stainless holds up against rust. I've seen some stainless pistols rust up because of the type of stainless used. Do S&W 66's rust. The reason for asking is, this is my choice for a concealed carry. It is quite expensive ( for me) and if it's going to rust from sweat I will look at something else. Thanks for any input Swamprat

Tater Fork- used for digging spuds not eating them. Ethyl- regular gas. Fuzz- the law. Toilet paper hanger- a writer of bad checks. And what was more fun than 4 on the floor? 2 in the back seat. Swamprat

Karl, My Dad told me the guarenteed way to double your money. He said,"Fold it over and put it back in your pocket." I only have a small amount to invest each month . High risk but the potential payoff is great. I put the whole dollar in a lottery ticket. Swamprat

Where has your chapstick been? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a submission to a contest from a viewer of The Ellen Show: > > So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. > Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him > and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long > on this mat in our bathroom. > > Well, we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years > old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really > loves chapstick. LOVES IT. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then > losing it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep > my chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed > to put it right back in the drawer when he was done. > > Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and > try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My > two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to > nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. > Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a > wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood. > > We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am > looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the > corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my > chapstick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right > into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that > he is right--their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, > Jack didn't seem to mind. > > And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was > the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth? > > And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us > that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little > creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been > using your chapstick on the cat's butt. Swamprat

It's just a plain old Coke around here. However my favorite is Chocolate Solider. Swamprat

When I was growing up store bought usally meant factory made cigarettes. Most folks smoked roll your owns and the fellow with store boughts was quite a dude. We used to braze weld razor blades to the release rod on our fender skirts. Would give you a nasty surprise if you tried taking them off without the special tool. Swamprat

Has any one heard from Emul-8 or Manureman lately? I don't think Emy has posted here since see moved out of Cali. and Manureman hasn't posted since the skunk got him. Sure hope they are doing ok. Swamprat

If every member here puts up a buck and we let fritz pick the winner next May, we should be able to fund this place for a few years. If not! We can all go to Texas and whip fritz with wet noodles. Either way it would be worth a buck. Swamprat

If we cut off all social services for Non-American citizens, print all government forms in ENGLISH ONLY, stop automatic citizen ship for babies born to illegal's, and last but not least, let them come here to work and tax thier asses about 75%. That should damn sure dry up the flow north. Swamprat

The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses. The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails. The North has double last names, The South has double first names. The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races. North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits. The North has green salads, The South has collard greens. The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish. The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt. FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . . In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store. Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive. Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?" Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits. Y'all have a nice day Swamprat

Remember the Alamo -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And, so it was, on March 6, 1836... On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up at the Alamo and walked upstairs from his bunkroom to the observation post on the west wall. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already. The three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them. Davy turned to Jim with a puzzled look on his face. "Jim," he said, "are we pouring concrete today?"

I. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her its a 6 day waiting period. (Original Man Law) II. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom. (Original Man Law) III. You poke it you own it. (Original Man Law) IV. Spilling beer in the name of a joke is prohibited. Instead laugh at Jimmy Johnson's hair (Original Manlaw). V. When a fan's team is suffering a losing season, it is perfectly acceptable to refer to that season as a rebuilding year, regardless of whether or not any rebuilding occurred. (Original Manlaw) 1. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his frinds home) (Brought forth by JT Carpenter) 2. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal. (This law was put forth by Karl Schuchard) 3. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you. (This law was put forth by Justin Widener) 4. Use of the word Canada is prohibited, the word shall be substituted with "the place above America" or any other variant of America such as, place above United States, The Stars and Stripes, and etc.. (Brought forth by JT Carpenter) 5. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it. (This law was put forth by Karl Schuchard) 6. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrowie puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours. (Brought forth by Josh Horton) 7. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun. (Put forth by Paul Miller, with a little touch of Robbie Gaultness) 8. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men. (Brought forth by Brad Turner) 9. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out. (put forth by Sean wilson and JT Carpenter) 10. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count.. rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day. (put forth by Leland Brasic and Ben Stroud) 11. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E .. Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet.. or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants.. (or any other article of clothing).. (put forth by Robert Wilder and JT Carpenter) 12. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances. ( Brought forth by Luke Hillman) 13. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10. 14. All men must eat (and know how to properly grill) meat. A shitload of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick ###### like tofu. In the case of sports such as wrestling dieting is permitted. Don't be ashamed of the beer gut...be proud. (Brought forth by Kevin Huyghe) Proof of Law 14.....http://selu.facebook.com/topic.php?uid =2 299624062&topic=2911 (This proof is credited to Craig Saucier) 15. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.) 16. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang. Lets just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. (Brought Forth by Mike Cryer) 17. Every man should watch sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day. (Brought forth by Ben O'Connor) 18. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved. (Brought forth by JT Carpenter) 19. Cheerleading is not a sport. (Put forth by Will Carmichael) 20. Women can't drive. (Put forth by S. Dooley) 21. Cameras are not permitted at bachelor parties. (Chris Tooley). 22. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don't agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support (Brought forth by Austin Kahlstorf) 23. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an original Sega Genesis equipped with the games Road Rash, NBA Jam, Street Fighter, and Madden 96 (Put forth by Robert Wilder). 24. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. 25. Being gay is not allowed. All gay "people" lose the title of "man", they may be male but not manly. (This has to be 25. Don't mess with it.) 26. Don't watch Brokeback Mountain. We don't give a ###### about what your girlfriend says. (Richard Pruitt). 27. While political disagreement is tolerated, anyone who votes for Hillary Clinton forfeits any aspect of manliness. (Brought forth by Michael Bettis). 28. Don't start a beer if you can't finish it. (Brought forth by Tyler Gorman). 29. Unless you are assembling a rocket destined for space travel, an instruction manual is for absolute pussies who do not know their way around logic and reason. This holds especially true for any and all football video games. (Put forth by Brian Delehanty). 30. In the event that your buddy is in a bar fight it is your job to 1)back him up or 2) if it is a fight that your are 100% sure you cant win then get you and your buddies' asses out of there before you get put in a hospital. (Put forth by Brandon Lazarus). 31. It is in no way acceptable to kiss a girl after you have blown one in her mouth. THIS IS LIKE KISSING YOUR OWN DICK. Exceptions are a 2 hour wait, full course meal, or brushing of the teeth/listerine usage. (Sincerely...Ralph Michalowski). 32. Men should know how to drive a stick shift. (Brought forth by Mike Delgado). 33. When riding with a fellow man...don't ###### with his radio unless granted permission. (Justin Dozier). 34. If a man is dumped by his girl, his buddies need to make sure he gets laid by an equally hot or hotter girl with in the week. 35. Shake firmly. 36. No man may give himself a nickname (such as THE KING). It must be earned, and given to him by others. (Brought forth by Richard Behmer). 37. Don't poke other guys on facebook. Just don't. (Brought forth by Justin Moore). 38. Simply said, every man must be able to unhook a bra, in a timely manner with one hand in a fashion that doesn't affect the woman's opinion of your performance in a negative manner (Sean Reich). 39. If it smells fine wear it. Why wash what is already clean? - exception.. unless a woman is doing the washing. (Adam Simon) 40. Its nice of you to buy underage people beer. (Brian Ferguson) 41. All men, regardless of training, physical limitations, or position on the war, should never turn down the opportunity to drive a tank. (anon.) 42. No man shall ever allow himself to be fingered in the rear by a woman for any reason. This is known as "Ericing." (Brought forth by Orrie Bogner) 43. No man is allowed to have decorative pillows on his bed. (Brought forth by Conor Frederick) 44. You buy a shot, you take a shot. (Mike Pirtle) 45. It is perfectly acceptable to cross your legs to get more comfortable, but if the knees are touching in any manner or in any place, you have a vagina and therefore cannot be considered a man. (Law Put forth by Brian Burkhardt) 46. If a man should come upon a cherry bomb or similar explosive mechanism, he must blow up a suitable object within 24 hours. If no such item is available, he must stash said conflagration device until he can find something, at which time he must gather three witnesses to watch said explosion. (Brought forth by Matt Harrison) 47. No man shall ever mess with another man’s vehicle RESULTING IN EXTENSIVE REPAIR/MONEY to restore the vehicle to its original condition. This includes keying, tire slashing/valve stem removal, theft, the spreading of personal hygiene and or food products thus affecting the paint, writing/drawing anything on the dirty paint (applies if paint is etched in result), or disabling the vehicle from its running condition. (Brought forth by Ryan Bingham) 48.The toilet is a man's throne and the bathroom his kingdom. What he does there is his own business. (Brought forth by Taylor Barnette) 49.All men should have a plan prepared for the event of a Zombie outbreak. Failure to plan is planning to fail (and have your brains eaten). (Brought forth by Tristan Renn)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The South Kentucky: The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those Kentucky women. ******************************************************** Alabama : A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked.. " Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. " A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!" **************** Louisiana: A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world. **************** Mississippi: The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." ***************** Tennessee: A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" ********************* And My Favorite: A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither." ****************************************** You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North =============================== Ya'll have a nice day now, Swamprat

Post the name so they won't rip off the rest of us. Swamprat