swamprat

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4 Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball? 5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, how did the pear get in the bottle? 7. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them. 8. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them? 9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the Los Angeles Lakers? 10. There are 7 ways a baseball player can legally reach first base Without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls (a walk) is one way. Name the other 6. 11. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 12. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S." Answers To Quiz: 1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends....boxing 2. The North American landmark constantly moving backward...Niagara Falls (the rim is worn down about two and a half inches a year. 3. The only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons....asparagus and rhubarb. 4. The only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball....baseball. 5. The fruit with its seeds on the outside...strawberry. 6. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew insideThe bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 7. Three English words beginning with dw...dwarf, dwell, and dwindle. 8. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. period, comma, colon,semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 9. The original lakes referred to in Lakers...in Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers, and kept the name when they moved west. 10. The seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit...taking a base on balls (a walk), batter hit by a pitch, passed ball, catcher interference, catcher drops third strike, fielder's choice, and being designated as a pinch-runn 11. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh...lettuce. 12. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning With "S"... Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts. Post your score. I got a whole big 6. Swamprat

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a Rabbi, all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast, and traction, with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Dear Abby ... I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time "working girl". All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hillary Clinton for President? Signed, Worried About My Reputation

I'm selling all my guns. I figure sell now for $500.00 or give to the government for $50.00. The day of freedom of arms has passed. We are going the way of England and Austrailia. This is the nail in the coffin with the anti-gunners in charge. Want to buy an unfired, in the box, with the papers, made in 1977, Browning pump 22? Other Brownings for sale. Several handguns of various make. Carl Gustaf WWII 22 trainer. No pictures available. E-mail for prices. I'm done fighting the bastards! SWAMPRAT

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ." “I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?" "Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!" "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother, a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!" "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!" "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother Superior. "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!" Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... "You missed the ******* putt, didn't you?" Swamprat

The biopsy itself was no more than a flick on the wrist feeling (when they took the samples). However that damn probe left me feeling like I had been gang raped by bull elephants. What was a real problem was the antibiotics I took afterwards. They took out the good bacteria in my digestive track and I had the runs for 10 days. Swamprat

Went today for results of prostrate biopsy taken 21 March. I have prostrate cancer with a Gleason rating of 8 (10 being the worst). Have started taking drugs to stop testosterone production. Prostrate cancer feeds on testosterone. I'm scheduled for a CT scan next thursday. Once they know cancer is not in my bones a treatment program can be set up. For you Nam Vets, prostrate cancer has been linked to exposure to Agent Orange (I was and now I have it). If you are over 50 get yourself tested. Swamprat

Fords are famous for this problem its worn out camshaft bearings. Throw some heavy wieght oil in it. Like straight 40 or 50 not 10w stuff. It will buy some time but thats about all. Swamprat

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Why I don't play golf anymore It was a sunny morning, a little before 8.00am, on the first hole of a busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker, "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!" I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the man on the woman's tee kindly back up to the men's tee." I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, When once more, the Man yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, please!" I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back . . . "Would the arzhole with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot!" Swamprat

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! You can Live in California where... 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought You can Live in New York City where... 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan . 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature," 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression. You can Live in Maine where... 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco . 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 3. You have more than one recipe for moose. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. You can Live in the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue,Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc. You can live in Colorado where... 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating. 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. You can live in the Midwest where... 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!" AND You can live in Florida where.. 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people __________________ Swamprat

Tony, What was the final outcome with your exchange student? Did she ever get over being homesick? Never heard much after your first few posts. Swamprat

Try your local refrigeration supply store. What you are more likely to find is aluminum tubing and compression type fittings. Or try the junk yard/recycling center. Won't pumping cold water into your tank shock your fish or give them eck or ick or however it's spelled? Swamprat

Grieving Family.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Grieving family An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, "His heart is still beating, but I'm afraid he is brain-dead." "Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock!!! "We've never had a Democrat in the family before" !!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said,"Why certainly!" He then told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly, but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message: "WATCH OUT FOR THESE @$$HOLES. THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND." Swamprat

Very informative! Great post. Swamprat

I think there may of been dead intruder's in my home. Swamprat

fritz, I didn't mean just the president. I meant any office from dog catcher on up. The big 2 put up thier choice and an independent is screwed before the polls open. It seems the only time they are really allowed into the race is if there is the chance of pulling enough votes from one side or the other. But not enough to win, just enough so the other side loses. Until independents can run on equal footing and enough are in office the big 2 will continue to elect whom they want. Swamprat

I don't think the government will ever suceed at total removal of "the right to bear arms". However I do see us registering every weapon and accounting for every cartridge. As for finding a leader with the right qualities. Not going to happen when a sellect few choose who will and will not run. An independent doesn't stand a chance against the big bucks of the two parties. Swamprat

You can put roses in a outhouse and it will still smell! Swamprat

Tony, The way the guy wrote it, it is all the time. I'm going to try it next time I'm there. Can't hurt to ask. Swamprat

I read on another site that Lowe's gives a discount of 7 to 10% to active duty military and also any vet . The fellow that posted it says he uses his V.A. hospital card. I haven't tried it yet but am going to. Swamprat

I looked at some drawings also and I think you are correct. It just about has to be the sear. Now will you be able to find one? Swamprat

Thats close. Wish I could find the measurements. I've tried 2 different pins that looked the same but the diameter was wrong. Swamprat

Does any one know were I might get a firing pin for a Valor 25 auto. Numrich or Brownells nor any of the others I know of don't list a Valor. It's a knock off but I can't figure out what of. Swamprat

Couldn't be fritz. He can't hear! Swamprat