FC Posted November 18, 2005 Report Share Posted November 18, 2005 THIS IS FOR MEN THAT ARE TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES! > > > > > > > > 1)How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be > > > > opened by the time she brings it to you. > > > > > > > > 2)Why is a Laundromat a bad place to pick up a woman? Because > > > > women who can't afford a washing machine will never be able to > > > > support you. > > > > > > > > 3)Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand > > > > closer to the kitchen sink. > > > > > > > > 4)How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? > > > > When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." > > > > > > > > 5)How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't, there is a clock on > > > > the oven. > > > > > > > > 6)Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women never shut up > >long > > > > enough to build up pressure. > > > > > > > > 7)If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is > > > > yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of > > > > course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in. > > > > > > > > 8)All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can > > > > tell them apart. > > > > > > > > 9)What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman that won't do > > > > what she's told. > > > > > > > > 10)What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? > > > > Divorced. > > > > > > > > 11)Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the > > > > same. > > > > > > > > 12)Scientists have discovered a food to diminish a woman's sex > > > > drive by 90%. It's called wedding cake. > > > > > > > > 13)Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the > > > > TV?" I said dust. > > > > > > > > 14)In the beginning God created the earth and rested. Then God > > > > created Man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, > > > > neither God nor man has rested. > > > > > > > > 15)Why do men die before their wives? They want to. > > > > > > > > 16)What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 > > > > drinks. > > > > > > > > 17)A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo > > > > Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She > > > > looked at him and said, "I wish I had your willpower." > > > > > > > > 18)Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. > > > > > > > > 19)A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The > > > > next day he received hundreds of letters. They all said the same > > > > thing. "You can have mine." > > > > > > > > 20)The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to > > > > forget it once. > > > > > > > > 21)Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the > > > > street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are > > > > beautiful. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emul8 Posted November 18, 2005 Report Share Posted November 18, 2005 You ought to be thankful I'm not there to threaten certain body parts with my fingernail file. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted November 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2005 You can send me to EEO, and I'll send you to EAP (Employee Assistance Program) for violence. Get this- it includes mean words, looks, signs, or acts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted November 19, 2005 Report Share Posted November 19, 2005 You can send me to EEO, and I'll send you to EAP (Employee Assistance Program) for violence. Get this- it includes mean words, looks, signs, or acts! 7086[/snapback] You mean you can send a woman to EAP for "THE LOOK"? Dr.Hess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted November 19, 2005 Report Share Posted November 19, 2005 Gad..only in America would the armed forces of the United States, who are charged with the mission of killing people and blowing up things have a EAP (Employee Assistance Program) for violence. Get this- it includes mean words, looks, signs, or acts! program!!! The world is mad..mad I say. Karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted November 19, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2005 Karl, you would have been proud of me. The class was taught by a couple of nice older guys. One guy had such a heavy Spanish accent it was tough to understand him. The other guy was a contracted retiree from the Army. On the first break I was waiting in line for the porcelain and said how the definition of violence was hogwash. I told them I didn't know how long I could shut up. Well, it didn't last long. I launched an ICBM on that definition. I told him that was not violence. Furthermore, we are trained to kill, a word not spoken, and saying that we can't give a facial expression or mean word was hogwash! Heck, my boss does that to me nearly every day. Ah! That is the difference! It only applies to treatment of civilians, not military! So, just don't give a mean look to the civilians. Nearly all the guys there were retirees. They spent the rest of the day ragging on each other and the instructors about, "You gave me a mean look!" The instructor chuckled along and spent a lot of time talking about how only real charges held any water, or something to that effect. I have 20 people under me. The only other military is the ward master, and he is a called-up reservist. I gave a meeting on conflict resolution and anger management. Why? Darned nurses are frequently tearing each other up. EVERYTHING is a major battle! Two of them called the union chief steward to come to a meeting two of them requested! I caught him before they did. I gave him an earful. During the meeting one LVN (LPN) ripped into an RN 3 times. The last time the union dude broke it up. Near the end of the meeting he told them they cannot disobey an order, unless it is unethical or illegal. He told them this three times. These civilian employees are giving me a run for my money. I almost feel like sneaking into work so I don't have to hear what else has gone wrong, or who is p.o.'d. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emul8 Posted November 19, 2005 Report Share Posted November 19, 2005 <GULP> (Seriously backpedalling....) I, I meant I would threaten AUTO body parts with my fingernail file...gee Mr., can't you take a JOKE? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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