spec4 e4 Posted July 5, 2020 Report Share Posted July 5, 2020 I got my mother in law's car up to Maryland and while I was there, I installed a floor and few things that her worthless husband could have done. While we were checking out of the motel, I was talking to the assistant manager and she was telling me that they need help. I ask her what kind of help and she said house keeping and that they have over 100 rooms needs to be clean. I mentioned that my brother in law was looking for a job, but slow in learning. She said that's fine, just send him up there. He had that job only if he went up there. Needless to say he did not go up there. My wife and I got into a heated argument because I said stop giving him stuff. Am I wrong? Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted July 5, 2020 Report Share Posted July 5, 2020 No, Rob, I think you were right. Giving people free stuff discourages them from helping themselves. I had the same discussion with my wife regarding her son. It finally took a SHTF incident before she disconnected. I think he is much better now fending completely on his own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted July 7, 2020 Report Share Posted July 7, 2020 I agree Rob. Once upon a time I had a blood sucking brother in law. When he did get a job he’d always wind up getting fired. He was remarkably intelligent was tested and qualified for paramedic training. After completing months fire dept paid for training he barely lasted a month before getting fired. Didn’t know it at the time but he was a drug addict and I suspect he was canned over missing drugs. I quarreled with my X for a few days but I wouldn’t give him a dime, a place to stay or even a ride after he cracked up a beautiful restored 49 Chevy. I fought with my X after he showed up barefoot begging for a $20 loan for shoes. I’m sure he needed a $20 fix. A former step daughter got knocked and married a lazy good for nothing husband. He had a ton of excuses for not getting a job. After they showed up behind on their rent and completely out of baby formula and diapers. I told my step daughter if they got kicked out of their apartment she and the baby could stay with me but he is not coming over for even a visit. I took her to the store without him and bought what she needed for the baby. His family fed them for awhile but I refused to give them any money but did buy stuff for the baby. His grandfather moved them to Idaho took them in, sent him to college and he finished with some kind of engineering degree. He is now doing good for himself, nice motor home, big house and she recently emailed a photo of a brand new Ford dually they bought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manureman Posted July 7, 2020 Report Share Posted July 7, 2020 Your in the right Rob , stand your ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2020 After getting into last night again, she agree to stop sending them stuff or our finances will be split. Let see what happen. We just ate a lose of $6000 or more by giving her mom a car. Long story. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted July 9, 2020 Report Share Posted July 9, 2020 It’s tough Rob when the family gets in between your relationship with your wife but you have to as Obozo said draw a line in the sand. I know from experience mooching in laws crawl out of the woodwork once you start helping them financially. If you’re going through what I did. I can predict TSWHTF if you do or want to help somebody in your immediate family. You will be reminded of it every time the moochers show up with a problem and their hands out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 On 7/9/2020 at 3:50 PM, AzRednek said: It’s tough Rob when the family gets in between your relationship with your wife but you have to as Obozo said draw a line in the sand. I know from experience mooching in laws crawl out of the woodwork once you start helping them financially. If you’re going through what I did. I can predict TSWHTF if you do or want to help somebody in your immediate family. You will be reminded of it every time the moochers show up with a problem and their hands out. I just can not help someone that does not want to help themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted July 11, 2020 Report Share Posted July 11, 2020 You can't help someone that won't help themselves. It will never work. All they will ever do is take. I have seen it personally. It's like, why should I put money aside for a car when I can just drive mom's (when you're 45 years old). It never ends until you stop. Then they get all butt-hurt, but tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted July 12, 2020 Report Share Posted July 12, 2020 Years ago my neighbors 20 year old sons both moved back home. One son did it to save money so he could put a healthy 1/3 down payment on a house. The other recently divorced just turned lazy and they had to boot him out. He couldn’t hold down a job and called in sick a lot often crawled out of bed around noon time. His dad told me after his lazy son threw a childish temper tantrum after his mother refused to buy him new clothes and he refused to take out the garbage. They 86’d him the next day. Help them out temporarily if they really need it and attempting to improve their lives but maybe had a set back due to an accident or illness. The moochers just want more and more, don’t want to work for it and expect you to bail them out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2020 Found out that my wife bought her bother a wallet. I'm pissed. She said it's for Christmas. I that we had it taken care of and on a agreement. There is more to the issues but I almost done with this marriage. It will be 25 in Oct. Sad, very sad. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted August 31, 2020 Report Share Posted August 31, 2020 How old is she, Rob? About 50-ish? Hitting menopause? The peri-menopausal time is pure hell. And the women have a hard time too. Seriously, though, "Vitamin Z", AKA Zoloft. It is a marriage saver, if you can get them to take it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2020 25 minutes ago, Dr.Hess said: How old is she, Rob? About 50-ish? Hitting menopause? The peri-menopausal time is pure hell. And the women have a hard time too. Seriously, though, "Vitamin Z", AKA Zoloft. It is a marriage saver, if you can get them to take it. 45 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manureman Posted September 1, 2020 Report Share Posted September 1, 2020 That stinks Rob sorry to hear it. I think you should listen to Doc . I’d heard of menopause but thought it was just hot flashes , NO!!!! My wife of 35 years turned into something I didn’t know and didn’t want to it was Hell ! Don’t know for sure what turned her around but she’s back to sweetest thing ever...... Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted September 1, 2020 Report Share Posted September 1, 2020 Yeah. It is pure living hell. Worse. Until they get over it, then things get better. It can hit any time, but the average age at menopause is 50, and the peri or pre menopause era can start 5 years before that. All in all, it can last 10 years. Seriously, when she is not going off bat crazy, have a calm, sincere talk and explain what's going on, and that Zoloft has helped many women through this transitional period. It's not called "the change of life" because menses stops. Life changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manureman Posted September 1, 2020 Report Share Posted September 1, 2020 This information needs to be on billboards from coast to coast and border to border, I was completely blindsided, didn’t have a clue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted September 2, 2020 Report Share Posted September 2, 2020 On 8/31/2020 at 4:30 PM, Dr.Hess said: How old is she, Rob? About 50-ish? Hitting menopause? The peri-menopausal time is pure hell. And the women have a hard time too. Seriously, though, "Vitamin Z", AKA Zoloft. It is a marriage saver, if you can get them to take it. Sounds like good advice. I had a few horror stories as a union rep with menopausal woman. I know one in particular was prescribed a drug, I can’t recall it’s name. Calmed her down but she turned almost lifeless, withdrawn showed no emotion but did her job like a machine almost robotic. She was showing up in dirty uniforms, no make up or even bothered to brush her hair occasionally. I was tasked with talking to her about hygiene rather than some punk almost a supervisor that would have enjoyed chewing her out. Mgmt got off her ass, no more customer or coworker complaints. I think but not sure it was the USPS staff RN got her to another Dr possibly a shrink. It was a night and day improvement, she crawled out of her shell and had a personality again. I knew she was ok after seeing her drop a tray of mail and laughing about it. If it happened a year prior she would have lashed out at somebody close by like a threatened cat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted September 2, 2020 Report Share Posted September 2, 2020 My deceased buddy kicked his nephews out; they’re now successes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted September 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2020 I have no clue what's going on with my wife but its driving me mad. I have been slap so many time by her family but I keep turning the other cheeck and I'm done. Very long story but let's just say they don't like me much, which I can care less. Now, I'm thinking they are taking advantage of my wife. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted September 6, 2020 Report Share Posted September 6, 2020 And you know, like us, when you get married you marry the family too. A good marriage counselor would put up limits on family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted September 6, 2020 Report Share Posted September 6, 2020 On 7/11/2020 at 6:12 PM, AzRednek said: Years ago my neighbors 20 year old sons both moved back home. One son did it to save money so he could put a healthy 1/3 down payment on a house. The other recently divorced just turned lazy and they had to boot him out. He couldn’t hold down a job and called in sick a lot often crawled out of bed around noon time. His dad told me after his lazy son threw a childish temper tantrum after his mother refused to buy him new clothes and he refused to take out the garbage. They 86’d him the next day. Help them out temporarily if they really need it and attempting to improve their lives but maybe had a set back due to an accident or illness. The moochers just want more and more, don’t want to work for it and expect you to bail them out. I just got word the lazy son I mentioned just died. Not sure but I suspect it was probably drug related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted September 6, 2020 Report Share Posted September 6, 2020 I feel sorry for the family. You can't fix people that don't want to be fixed, or help them if they don't want to be helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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