spec4 e4 Posted September 21, 2021 Report Share Posted September 21, 2021 Sorry that I have not been a active member of this community for a long time. I am in a dark hole for a long time now and have been trying to get out of it, so I have been keeping to myself for awhile now. I am depressed and mad and feel like no where to turn but my own head. I'm trying real hard to see other people point of view but they same fubar. I am very open minded but there is lines I do not cross and things I would not do. My wife thinks I'm over reacting but I think I'm not. I'm thinking I'm heading down divorce street if this keep up. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted September 21, 2021 Report Share Posted September 21, 2021 I'm sorry to hear that. I was there too, like a dark pit I couldn't get out of. Anti-depressants can help a lot. Don't go the divorce route- that will just multiply misery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted September 21, 2021 Report Share Posted September 21, 2021 Rob, Relax. Back away from the stress causing stuff. Stop reading the news. Stop reading even political content in forums. Do that for 2 weeks and see if you feel better. As FC says, divorce is a misery multiplier. And, some mild anti-depressants, such as Zoloft, can help bridge the gap in the dark place, so to speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted September 22, 2021 Author Report Share Posted September 22, 2021 My wife and a former married couple friends is the stress. Long story short, my wife blind side me causing us to be on the road another year and the married couple wants us to have a open marriage and my wife has her eyes closed. That's a long story by it self. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted September 22, 2021 Report Share Posted September 22, 2021 That sucks, Rob. Open marriages never last. Not a marriage, in my opinion. Just back away from the problem couple. As for the extra year on the road, well, sometimes you have to take a more firm hand in your finances. I assume that's all been addressed. Certainly is a good time for the transportation industry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted September 22, 2021 Report Share Posted September 22, 2021 I can't even conceive of the "open marriage" idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted September 25, 2021 Report Share Posted September 25, 2021 Rob don’t get involved, you will regret it and it destroys marriages. Let he know that you can’t physically stop her if she wants to step outside of your marriage vows but your morals won’t allow you get involved. I crossed paths with some of the so called swingers and open marriage types at the Post Office. Most if not all were divorced within two years after the activity started. One couple’s open marriage caused some threats with a gun and the police getting involved. The rumor mill said her husband arrived home a day early from his drag racing and caught his postal worker wife in the sack with a black guy, a USPS supervisor. She later resigned due to Meth use, violating a last chance agreement by failing a piss test. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted September 25, 2021 Report Share Posted September 25, 2021 That’s pretty sordid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted September 25, 2021 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2021 We took a week vacation off and one of the rules was no communications. Things was back to normal. Well, he messaged her, needless to say I was pissed and she did not tell me. I sleep on the couch for a night. I no longer blame them, my wife is who I blame now. We was on the truck for less then 4 hours and she called him.. Every time she talks to him, it hurts, but no more. I have a appointment with a divorce lawyer when I get home and I'm start to separating the finances now. She found out about the lawyer and wants to go to counseling. WTF? Been a good run, 28th of Oct will be 26 years and it's ending for a guy/couple we only knew for 6 months. As for a open marriage, my friend has one with his wife, but there are rules and boundaries that they do not cross. Both him and his wife was in the Army and stationed at different bases. She out now, and more less they have a closed marriage now. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted September 26, 2021 Report Share Posted September 26, 2021 Good luck Rob, the counseling might work out for the both of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted September 26, 2021 Report Share Posted September 26, 2021 Sir. Will she change and mean it ? that is the question. karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manureman Posted September 26, 2021 Report Share Posted September 26, 2021 I’m really sorry to hear about your problems they are rough I know. November 6th this year would be 39 years for me and the wife. She left Labor Day. We have a very nice 4 bedroom brick house on a nice farm 20 stinking minutes from Lake of the Ozarks, we have cattle, hogs, chickens, a garden 2 dozen fruit trees. I’ve worked my entire adult life building this and she wants to sell out and buy a house on the lake because she has worked her way up to lower management in her job at an insurance company and has been rubbing elbows with the wealthy folks she associates with. This has been a problem between us for a few years. I hate the lake and always have, to many people and most of them looking down they’re noses at working men like me. Tomorrow morning I have another appointment with a Lawyer I will be filing for divorce. She wants her half of everything so my farm and home will have to be sold. I’ll have to sell my trucks and go back to driving for someone instead of myself. And my DOT physical is due in a couple weeks and my blood pressure is very high so may not pass it. My dr added a med but it’s back up….. My wife says she wants to keep the kids and grandkids out of it as much as possible, but she is living with my oldest daughter and her family ….. while preaching about keeping them out of it! I even swallowed my pride and said we’d sell out and move but she full of excuses. It all boils down to old Jim and the farm life just isn’t shiny enough for her anymore. GET HER OUT OF THAT TRUCK ASAP And don’t you sit between those doors and fester get out every chance you get and I don’t mean going into those damn truck stops that’s still truckin , yeah go in and get your shower every day don’t let your hygiene slide but stop at a Walmart or a Cabelas a lot of them have truck parking cause I’ve used it. You don’t have to need or want anything or even have the money to afford something looking is free . Buy you some new socks and underwear and put em on after a good hot shower you’ll feel like a new man Get off your ass and on your feet a little exercises will do you wonders and being around people will do you good too , smile at em and say hi and ask them about their day. But don’t just set in a damn truck and stew in your own juices. People who haven’t driven for livin don’t have a clue what a hell hole a truck is way to much time to think. And first chance you get if you can get completely the hell out of truckin or at least get out of sleeper trucks , day cabs are a little better life if you find the right gig. Good luck to you driver we’re both going to need it. Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted October 1, 2021 Report Share Posted October 1, 2021 I am very sorry to hear that sir.. Get a good smart and mean lawyer. She is not your lady any more. That lady is gone ... She is now the foe and she has declared war. karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted October 2, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2021 Thanks all. I got a lawyer and have a appointment on our anniversary. I see what this lawyer has to say. I really have no clue to what happened between us but now I feel no anger. Mauserman, I feel for you. I wish I can give advice but can not. Hope all turn out good for you. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted October 4, 2021 Report Share Posted October 4, 2021 Good luck sir karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted October 4, 2021 Report Share Posted October 4, 2021 Yes, good luck to both you guys. I hate to see these things. Watch your six. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted October 6, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2021 UPDATE: Yesterday was a blow up. I proved to her that she is emotionally and mentally attached to them. She started to cry. I was a freaking rock. I called work and told them to get me my own truck. So this morning, she broke all ties with them. I will still see the divorce lawyer just in case. But I'm hoping she will not go behind my back, if she does, she is history and 28.5 wasted I will feel like. She knows that there is no give with the other couple. Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted October 6, 2021 Report Share Posted October 6, 2021 Best of luck, Rob, and I hope it works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted October 7, 2021 Report Share Posted October 7, 2021 Wow, all that history together and the women want the excitement enough to chuck it all away? Some things are so messed up only God can fix them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manureman Posted October 7, 2021 Report Share Posted October 7, 2021 Good luck Rob. I really really hope things work out for you . But don’t let up ,do like your planning and see that lawyer, maybe more than one. Let your wife know your serious. But don’t let her go to your lawyer with you. Make her get her own if she feels the need , protect Rob first. The paperwork has started on my mess and talk about a “dark hole” you nailed that. Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted October 7, 2021 Report Share Posted October 7, 2021 The loss of the farm and your work really rots! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted October 9, 2021 Report Share Posted October 9, 2021 Mauser Man, ask your lawyer for a referral for an arbitrator or somebody that can help mediate the division of the property. I’m not speaking from personal experience on property but did know of somebody that used the service. He got to keep his pension, classic and race cars. She kept the house with him making the payments for a year. It will cost you a fortune if the lawyers and court do it. It is my understanding, at least in Arizona the mediation is not mandatory they just make recommendations. I was involved with outside mediation way back in the 70’s over child custody. It didn’t go to well as the mediator was a die hard liberal and I later found out she was politically active in the legalization of marijuana. Keep in mind that was back in the mid 70’s when possession earned prison time. My X threw in the towel after the first court hearing. Her drug use, neglecting my twins caused her family and neighbors testify against her. I got full time custody and she got limited visitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted October 9, 2021 Report Share Posted October 9, 2021 On 10/2/2021 at 12:16 PM, spec4 e4 said: Thanks all. I got a lawyer and have a appointment on our anniversary. I see what this lawyer has to say. I really have no clue to what happened between us but now I feel no anger. Mauserman, I feel for you. I wish I can give advice but can not. Hope all turn out good for you. Rob Rob, keep in mind your lawyer might be charging you 500- 2,000 per hour. Try your best to keep the meeting as short as possible. According to a relative lawyer, about 50% never follow through after the first visit. He told me many women meet with a lawyer hoping the threat of a divorce, a divorce lawyer or judge can change or improve their husband’s behavior. You don’t want to spend $10,000 then reconcile. Try your best to work it out, be it dividing property or having a friendly split before spending the big bucks., Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spec4 e4 Posted October 14, 2021 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2021 Az, they are not cheap, but this lawyer is a friend of a close friend and only charging me $50.00 for the 1st hour, something about hiring her to represent me and bounded by clients and lawyer confidentiality. Even my good friend is saying WTF. Should have it wrap up in the hour. It more less to see how things goes in the state of Missouri. I'll bring everything and let the lawyer look at it. I'm trying to get phone records from her phone of calls to/from them. On a positive note, she had no contact with them and things is slowly going back to normal. The guy drives for the same company and they are going to try to keep us apart, no repower, or at the yard at the same time. My dispatcher boss was not happy almost losing a team that can do the impossible. But she saying that I don't trust her, I trust her and it's the other people I don't trust. Boundaries must be respected and they did not. Thanks all Rob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manureman Posted October 14, 2021 Report Share Posted October 14, 2021 I’m not a lawyer but paid out a couple grand and talked to 4 law firms about my situation. I was told Missouri is a no fault state, meaning even adulterous relationships can’t be held against one or the other in a divorce. Missouri is also a marital property state meaning everything you’ve accumulated (after )getting married is split 50/50 , doesn’t matter who paid for it or who’s name it’s under , all assets and all debts It’s simple math half and half. That’s what all 4 told me about my situation, with no abuse, no spousal support, no minor children no Jerry Springer BS…. Was told depending on how busy the courts are and how much we want to argue about the division of assets and debts that near 40 years of marriage could be undone in 60 to 90 days, or we can fight about absolutely everything and both end up broke. That’s the reader’s digest version of what I’ve learned so far. I wish you well Rob , my hole is still mighty dark and my mind flip flops constantly on what to do or say, but it seems bad days are not quite as hard as they were and my mind is clearing up a little bit too. Hopefully we’ll both get back to a brighter place soon. Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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