AzRednek Posted July 5, 2006 Report Share Posted July 5, 2006 I have a neighbor that I can bluntly say is as queer as a 3 dollar bill. For the past few years he has always pestered myself and other neighbors to come to his 4th of July barbeque on his land that is apx a 4 1/2 hour drive each way from Phoenix. I finally caved into the pressure from my live-in girlfriend to attend. Besides I have to be polite. My gay neighbor, a metal fence contractor has a workshop and tools I’m envious of and it’s mine whenever I need it or the tools. What I thought would be a very boring day turned out rather interesting. I had all but forgotten about his inheritance and he had spent some big bucks and turned his land into a working ranch and farm for all his gay friends. He had spent apx 45,000 sinking a well and anybody in the area is welcome to use it. He leaves keys in his front loader, Jeep, quads and any of his equipment is there for loan. Most of the working people that live in the area attended the cook-out which really was a joke. A barbeque to me is steaks, ribs at least burgers, but in this case it was hot dogs and canned beans. When I first arrived I was amazed to watch this fragile little fairy break horses. This guy is the classic example of a fairy, the limp wrist and in classic Hollywood style talks with the lisp and walks like Tinkerbell. He handled the horses and a donkey like a work hardened aged cowboy. The fairy talk and feminine gestures stopped once he started handling the horses. Once people started showing up I expected the crap to hit the fan. Most were real out doorsy types working on large ranches or sheep herding on their own land in the area. I figure a fist fight would break out. I didn’t shake a single hand that wasn’t rough from years of hard work. Most if not all in the area live in a shack or an old trailer. It didn’t take long to determine most were lacking an education and one admitted to when asked if he was ever in the military “never learn’t to read and write”. Many were dressed in what was referred to as their Sunday best, which consisted of a brightly colored western shirt and a fancy over sized belt buckle. Two in particular were really interesting. Both sheepherders working and living alone were obviously desperate for company. These two guys told some of the tallest tales one could imagine, everything from ghosts, some way-out government conspiracies and UFO’s. They pretty well handled the sheep jokes from the queers and I have to admit to playing right into their stories. The more they talked, the more I acted as though I believed what they were saying and the tall tales kept growing. There were a few other land owning Spanish speaking sheepherders there but it didn’t take long to figure out a few herd sheep as a front to their marijuana crops. Two of them showed up together on a quad heavily armed but no one seemed bothered by it. I asked one through a translating teenager about the guns and he pointed to one of the white sheep herders and said in broken English “UFO’s Roswell ha ha”. Two brand new Ford trucks showed up packed full of illegals. The trucks were on loan from their employer, a rancher and meat processor the illegals claimed worked for (likely under contract with) Burger King. I know I really get irritated at all the illegals I deal with in the city but these people were all likely working for chicken shoot wages and not living in the city drawing welfare. It was near annoying dealing with a few of the illegals wanting to practice English but I have to give them credit for trying to learn. It was apparent they were all living on a budget. The foreman’s wife distributed 2 cans of beer each to all the men. Their contribution to the barbeque was a 2-bit jar of mustard and what I still don’t know what for, a box of baking soda. The strangest bunch, what the queers called “The Redneck Family” all were white and looked and smelled as though they somehow forgot their Saturday Night Baths for the past month. One woman showed up and I have no idea why, carrying a scoped Remington slung over her shoulder. She was obviously the leader of the pack and a real sight to see. She is missing a good portion of her front teeth, bra-less boobs hanging below her waist and a ketchup stain on her well worn bouse looked as though it had been there a few days. They were bent out of shape because nobody showed up to give them a ride and they had to walk a couple of miles. Their kids scarfed down the hot dogs and beans as though they hadn’t eaten in a few days. Most of the Mexicans were all grateful for having access to the well but the Redneck woman was complaining because my neighbor wouldn’t run a pipe on to her land. The best thing of the entire trip was my discovery of some ideal land for varmit hunting. Rolling hills right on the bottom edge of the pine line where pine trees meet cactus. The area is about a 90 minute drive off of the paved road. The sheep herders all argued about the best spot to get all the coyotes, gophers and cats I want. I’m glad I forced myself to be sociable for day I will defiantly be going back as soon as the weather cools. It was certainly a 4th of July I wont forget. I have to admit to having somewhat of a paradigm shift about illegals. I enjoyed their company and wasn't all bothered at all by their presence in my country. I'm still uneasy around queers but outside of some really stupid remarks they were a bit more than tolerable, at least for the day. 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tinkerfive Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 I'd just be curious as to how long all that equipment with the keys in it lasts after someone realizes that your neighbor isn't there all the time. Tinker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
usmc0332 Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 It sounds like a day that you will remember forever, well worth the drive. I could use an interesting adventure, haven't had one in ages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fritz Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Sounds very interesting. But why didn't they have mutton on the grill? I take it this is not cow country, so I can see the lack of beef brisket. But hot dogs and beans? You gotta be shittin'. To be honest with you, I have never had a social like that one. And hope to never have! fritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 I wish you had a picture of ol' toothless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Most of the Mexicans were all grateful for having access to the well but the Redneck woman was complaining because my neighbor wouldn’t run a pipe on to her land. Sometimes, it does sort of make you wonder, who we would be better off deporting. Pity there was no-one there "for them". That woman seems like a natural, "the world owes me" democrat. karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsefly Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 AZ,I hope your girlfriend went,I know you said she pressured you to go.I can just hear those wetbacks and rednecks saying that AZ was a hell of a guy for a queer.After that day,I reckon one of our family reunions wouldn't impress you much.Glad you had fun.What was your galfriends thoughts on the day?Jerry It's time to put my dumbassity on display.What the hell does blog mean?Jerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted July 6, 2006 Report Share Posted July 6, 2006 Blog is a web log- a "dear diary" for all to see. Look at myspace.com and you'll see blogs. Wish I knew how to find soldier blogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fritz Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 "Sometimes, it does sort of make you wonder, who we would be better off deporting." Karl, where do you propose the toothless woman should be deported to? I won't make a suggestion, since I don't want to start a fight here. fritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted July 7, 2006 Report Share Posted July 7, 2006 Karl, where do you propose the toothless woman should be deported to? Much as I hate to say it as I live in Cali. But she would be right at home in L.A. They would give her free teeth. : ) Karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fritz Posted July 8, 2006 Report Share Posted July 8, 2006 Well, Kalifornia would be my first choice, but she would make a big impression in Bagdad would she not? She probably smells about as bad as the Iraq people. But for the fact that she is a woman who carries a rifle, she would blend in. fritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzRednek Posted July 10, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2006 Whoa!!! wasn’t expecting so many responses!! I'd just be curious as to how long all that equipment with the keys in it lasts after someone realizes that your neighbor isn't there all the time. Tinker It is just a matter of time. My neighbor years ago owned and operated a limousine service and lost it after loaning his vehicles to his queer buddies. He recovered his limos weeks later, police would not search because he willingly loaned them. He is a nice guy but definitely has more money than brains. Sounds very interesting. But why didn't they have mutton on the grill? I take it this is not cow country, so I can see the lack of beef brisket. But hot dogs and beans? You gotta be shittin'. fritz Two large ranches control the grazing rights for cattle in the area. Actually it was supposed to be two baby goats on the menu but the flamer couldn’t bring himself to slaughter them. That woman seems like a natural, "the world owes me" democrat. karl Her clan were the only ones that lived on welfare, the rest were all either self supporting or employed. AZ,I hope your girlfriend went,I know you said she pressured you to go.I can just hear those wetbacks and rednecks saying that AZ was a hell of a guy for a queer.After that day,I reckon one of our family reunions wouldn't impress you much.Glad you had fun.What was your galfriends thoughts on the day?Jerry It's time to put my dumbassity on display.What the hell does blog mean?Jerry Apx 20+ years ago I beat up one of my neighbor’s queer friends after he made an off color remark to my son. I almost went to jail over it. I’ve moved away and back again a few times, renting my current house out in between stays. He has never forgoton it and apparently has advised his buddies hands off. Yes, my g/f was there as two other neighbors and wives. The women were responsible for saving the baby goats. An interesting note about toothless’s man. He is in jail after having two uninsured at fault auto accidents. The first he lost his license. After the second accident with no license or insurance he showed up for his court appearance by driving there!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaosBob101 Posted July 10, 2006 Report Share Posted July 10, 2006 But does he Shoot.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fritz Posted July 11, 2006 Report Share Posted July 11, 2006 "The women were responsible for saving the baby goats." Women will spoil a barbecue every time! But hotdogs and beans? fritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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