Awnaa

[FC]

Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will

provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities

Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of

the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

 

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive

necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,'

said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and

allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.

With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special

favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea

of what they are doing.'

 

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi

and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.

Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing

opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of

postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single

largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

 

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination

against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry

(68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state

government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent

record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

 

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle

man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but

little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose

and performance.

 

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so

as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable

employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to

corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability

into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and

medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every

two talented hires.

 

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult

to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,

discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or

experience that relate to this job?'

 

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who

have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her

position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to

her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey. 'This new law

should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage

of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will

finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I

believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be

extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as

lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his

or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation

and a good salary for doing so.'

 

 

 

[karlunity]

Boy...I outta qualify under that ....when do I get MY check????

 

Karl

[ken98k]

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive

necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,'

said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and

allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over.

With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special

favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea

of what they are doing.'

 

Is this for real?

[FC]

Not real yet (as far as I know), but stay tuned for the new Amerika!

BTW, my current class has one book lamenting discrimination against Queermerika, and the other book is called, "Vulnerable Populations". Isn't that special! Are any of you vulnerable and downtrodden?

[Jimro]

I refuse to be a victim.

 

Our generation has no claim to "downtrodden" or even "vulnerable". Even our poor watch television and can drive a car.

 

Jimro

[Spiris]

Are any of you vulnerable and downtrodden?

 

"I'm starting to feel that way" he whimpers from the fetal position.

Where's my check?

 

 

 

lol,

Spiris

 

[FC]

People, I'm not feeling the cultural sensitivity here!

[BradD]

Tony, what are you going to be after you finish that course?

 

I think most of us expect nurses to be tougher than nails, up to their necks in blood and guts.

 

Will there be a new job class for "Nurse Victims of High Expectations" (NVHE)? Could be worth a few scheckels from the pork belly, I guess.

[FC]

Well, I got a chuckle out of that one.

I might work for a big international company my wife works for. I guess whatever the data needs are, I'll be involved in it.