fritz Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a > conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. > _____ > > Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, > peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." > _____ > > Only a Southerner can show or point out the general direction of > "yonder." > _____ > > Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: > "Going to town, be back directly." > _____ > > Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for > the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl > in the middle of the table. > _____ > > All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the > term, but they know the concept well. > _____ > > Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace > for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a > big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor has BIG trouble, they > also know to add a large nana puddin! > _____ > > Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and > "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 > mile or 20. > _____ > > Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a > redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. > _____ > > No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn > signal is actually going to make a turn. > _____ > > A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, verb, or adverb. > _____ > > Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when > we're "in line," . we talk to everybody! > _____ > > Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're > related, even if only by marriage. > _____ > > In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural. > _____ > > Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. > _____ > > Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are > perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and > that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. > _____ > > When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you > are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! > _____ > > Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea > indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea > unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. > _____ > > And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old > ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" > . and go your own way. > _____ > > To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: > Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the > morning. Bless your heart! > _____ > And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all > this Southern stuff, . bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have > classes on Southernness as a second language! > _____ > > And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long > time, all y'all need a sign to hang on all y'alls front porch that reads > "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." > ____ > SOUTHERN WOMEN > Southern women appreciate their natural assets: > Clean skin. > A winning smile. > That unforgettable Southern drawl. > > Southern women know their manners: > "Yes, ma'am." > "Yes, sir." > "Why, no!" > > Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions : > "Y'all come back!" > "Well, bless your heart." > "Drop by when you can." > "How's your Momma?" > > > Southern women know their summer weather report: > Humidity > Humidity > Humidity > > Southern women know their vacation spots: > The beach > The beach > The beach > > Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: > Colorful hi-heel sandals > Strapless sun dresses > Iced sweet tea with mint > > Southern women know everybody's first name: > Honey > Darlin' > Shugah > > Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: > Fried Green Tomatoes > Driving Miss Daisy > Steel Magnolias > Gone With The Wind > > Southern women know their religions: > Baptist > Methodist > Football > > Southern women know their country breakfasts: > Red-eye gravy > Grits > Eggs > Country ham > Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly > > Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: > Charleston (Chawl'stn) > Savannah (S'vanah) > Fort Worth (Foat Wuth) > New Orleans (N'awlins) > Atlanta (Addlanna) > > Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: > Men in uniform. > Men in tuxedos. > Rhett Butler, of course! > > Southern girls know their prime real estate: > The Mall > The Country Club > The Beauty Salon > > Southern girls know the four deadly sins: > Having bad hair and nails > Having bad manners > Cooking bad food > Wearing too much makeup in the summer > > Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah ! > > Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls who were raised in the South > or wish they had been! > > If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your! little heart, fake it. > We know you got here as fast as you could.....!!! fritz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roscoedoh Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 AMEN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsefly Posted August 15, 2006 Report Share Posted August 15, 2006 fritz,they forgot wall-eyed hissy fit,the very worse one.Jerry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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