Rules Of The South

[cold shot]

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

 

 

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

 

 

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

 

 

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

 

 

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.

 

 

5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

 

 

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

 

 

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

 

 

8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

 

 

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

 

 

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

 

 

11. We say "sir and ma'am", "please and thank you", "excuse me and I'm sorry" when we are wrong or impolite. Do not make the mistake of thinking it makes us weak. It's just good up-bringing.

 

 

12. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

 

13. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

 

 

14. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

 

 

15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

 

 

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it frightens the fish, and aggravates the alligators.

 

 

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

 

18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we think slow. You may be in for a surprise.

 

 

19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

 

 

20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump stuff ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

 

 

As they say in the south, We ain't perfect but we're damn close . Dave

[karlunity]

When I retire, I gotta move South.

 

karl

[roscoedoh]

[Horsefly]

Karl,if you had spent the day with me yesterday working on the roof of my barn at 101 degrees,you'd probably change your mind. I bet AZ is really cookin! Jerry

[karlunity]

101?

Gee, that would seem like spring.

We are in the desert and the Hippy had me building brick walkways : )

I carry the bricks, she puts them in place. The girl is a mad artist : )

Karl

[AzRednek]

If I ever become rich and famous, I'll do like the snowbirds. Go south in the winter and north in the summer in a $350,000 Winnebego, towing my foreign compact car. In the meantime I'll have to depend on air conditioning to avoid the sauna outside. The only thing this heat is good for is cooking the cosmo out of mil-surps.

[roscoedoh]

How's the humidity in So Cal? 50-60%?

 

The part of the state that Jerry and I live in sees upwards of 80-100% relative humidity and that added to the 101 degree heat equals just flat miserable. I walked out of the house this morning about 9:30 and felt like I'd just stepped into a blast furnace. Texas is my home but darn I hate this time of year.

[AzRednek]

How's the humidity in So Cal? 50-60%?

 

We brag in the Phoenix area about it being a dry heat which for the most of summer it is. Several years ago when we broke 120, 2 days in a row the humidity was like 2 or 3%. I was still working outside then and can honestly say it was more comfortable than 100 degrees with high humidity. In the high heat and low humidity nature does it's job. Your body sweats and it evaporates providing some relief. In the high heat, low humidity it isn't unusual for one to lose 4-5% of their body weight in sweat in one 8 hour shift if they wern't carefull.

 

The worst heat I ever had to endure was apx 100 degrees and 99% humidity in Missouri. My car's air conditioner fogged up the windshield. Had to run the wipers to clean off the condensation. Couldn't find a motel room, many of the locals without air conditioning in their homes were filling them up. Out of desperation having kids along with asthma problems I wound up in a ridiculasly high priced ritzy hotel room. We had to cut our New Orleans vacation short, the kids just couldn't handle the high humidity.

 

Incidently!! The Confederate Flag flew over Arizona's Territorial capital building during the war. Ever wondered why it was 1912 before Arizona became a state. It was yankee justice slapping Arizona's wrist.

[donmarkey]

If I ever become rich and famous, I'll do like the snowbirds. Go south in the winter and north in the summer in a $350,000 Winnebego, towing my foreign compact car.

No spend $400,00 and get a real one so you can flat tow a F250. Support Detroit, our economy is dying. And you'll need it for those "gravel roads" and the "dirt" ones up north.

-Don

[fritz]

When my well comes in (and I become rich and famous) I am going to go to Canada in the summer and fish for those big ones thay have in the pristine lakes, and when it gets cold up there I am going to head down to the Hill Country of Texas and hunt the big antlered deer there.

 

What I drive between the two places ain't as important as the time spent on site. Life is short, enjoy it now, no matter where you live.

 

But as a man of the South, I will always be polite to the ladies. That's why I am known as the "Gentleman Farmer".

 

And you thought it was because I wore a suit and tie when plowing the back forty!

 

fritz

[Horsefly]

When my work sent me to South Africa a few years back,I was told to stop calling every girl or lady I me ma'am,'cause there it ment old lady like a school marm,and it embarrassed the ladies.My Dad taught us boys to never say sir unless we meant it and the man deserved it.I got in a jamb in junior high for not calling a coach sir.I told him my Dad said I didn't have too until I knew he was a sir.He said that's fair.Next day he was a sir.I think Dad got a stomache full of addressing young punks in the Army as sir that had no business with any rank.Jerry

[karlunity]

I got in a jamb in junior high for not calling a coach sir.I told him my Dad said I didn't have too until I knew he was a sir.He said that's fair.Next day he was a sir.

 

Outstanding.

A good teacher tries to never contradict a parent's orders to their children.

 

Karl