Humor

[montea6b]

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get

married. The

ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was

excellent.

 

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,

"I've lost my

electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first

replies, "Yes,

I'm positive..."

 

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender

says, "I'll serve

you, but don't start anything."

 

4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says,

"Sorry we don't

serve food in here."

 

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt

under his arm and

says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

 

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the

other: "Does this

taste funny to you?"

 

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green

Grass of Home.'" "That

sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?"

"It's Not Unusual."

 

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to

Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this

morning." "I don't believe

you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed

Daisy.

 

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The

kids were nothing

to look at either.

 

11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this

bull before.

 

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,

"My dog's

cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the

vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog

up and examines

his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to

put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's

really heavy."

 

13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are

Chinese. And there

are five people in my family, so it must be one of

them. It's either

my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or

my younger

brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

 

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other

day but I

couldn't find any.

 

15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him

50 bucks that he

couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,

"No, the steaks

are too high."

 

16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious

accident. He shouted,

"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor

replied, "I know

you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

 

17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a

mussel.

 

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but

when they lit a

fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't

have your kayak and

heat it too.