911rat Posted January 17, 2009 Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 Been a while since I posted Thought I'd check in and say Hi. I've stopped in and checked the board occasionally but haven't been working on any projects for a while so I haven't had much to say. Long story short, the wife filed for divorce in July. I immediately moved all the firearms out of the house to prevent anything from coming up "missing". I really haven't had the opportunity to work on anything but have a few projects ready to go once this is over and can't wait to get started again. The morning after she told me she wanted a divorce, I sat down at the computer and checked the browsing history to see if she checked our bank account. Without going into a lot of detail, I discovered her profile and all her messages indicating that she had been running around for a few months. After a brief argument, I never told her how I found out and figured there was nothing to fight about anymore, I installed a spyware program on the computer. The program recorded every program that ran, keystrokes, chat messages and took a screenshot every 60 seconds. About a month later, after I was served, she discovered the program and tried to overdose on pills when I wouldn't promise not to use it against her in the divorce. She told the hospital staff that she did it because she was afraid of me. Thankfully I have a great family and good friends and any of them will tell you that I've never been happier once the initial shock wore off. My social life has picked up considerably and I can't wait to start the next chapter in my life. But this thing's dragged on longer than it should have because the soon to be ex is being a bit uncooperative. We have no assets, no children and the wife has been working full time throughout the relationship. But for some reason she sees dollar signs somewhere and she's asking for alimony. We haven't been able to reach any property division agreement. The house just appraised for much less than what's owed (thanks to all the foreclosures in the area) and she racked up a ton of credit card debt on what I have no idea that I wasn't aware of. So, I'm just hanging in there, living in limbo until this thing is over with. I can't wait to get started on projects again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donmarkey Posted January 17, 2009 Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 Sorry to here about it Pat, but from the sounds of it it would seem you are going to be better off in the long run. Let me know If I can do anything. -Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted January 17, 2009 Report Share Posted January 17, 2009 wow!! There's still such a thing as alimony? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted January 18, 2009 Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 I found it interesting that she would ask you "not to use" the record of her actions against her but IS more than willing to hold you up for as much as she can get. Every time I read something like this, it makes me thank God for my flower child. karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limpid Lizard Posted January 18, 2009 Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Pat , been there, done that. FC, Yes there is still such a thing. My daughter was paying her ex $1000 per month. LL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken98k Posted January 18, 2009 Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Things can only get better. Sounds like you've got things in perspective. I love the spyware thing! It's a real shock when the person you've trusted with your most intimate feelings suddenly schits on you. I guess it's true what they say about a fine line between love and hate. Kenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
911rat Posted January 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Thanks guys, Like I said I just can't wait till it's all over and done with. The way it's dragging on with nothing really to fight over is frustrating to say the least. And I know I'll be better off in the long run. I'm certainly not the first to go through this. According to my lawyer, she has a weak argument for alimony based on the difference in our incomes, our ages etc... But he advised me to consider a settlement. She wants me to pay her health insurance premium. I'm considering offering to pay it for 6 months in a one time payment. I think that's more than fair. We met together with our lawyers last month to settle all our issues before going into court for the second time. Before the meeting started, she told her lawyer that she might lose her job the first of the year so things were delayed a month. They wanted to see what would happen first and both lawyers were visibly frustrated. I think she's trying to stall. Since it was already decided that I would assume the mortgage, my lawyer ordered the house appraised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted January 18, 2009 Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Good luck. karl "Since it was already decided that I would assume the mortgage, my lawyer ordered the house appraised." Assume the mortgage?? Who, then, gets the house and what stops her from taking you back to court in a year or two and asking for "her share of the the house "You BOTH owned" ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiris Posted January 18, 2009 Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Sorry to hear that you're dealing with the frustration associated with divorce. I've experienced it too. I don't want to delve into your personal business, but has the issue of each other's 401-K been settled? In most states, 401-K's are a 50-50 shared asset. It happened that I was able to use the 401-K issue to my advantage as leverage, in my own divorce. To be honest, my divorce suffered less animosity than your's, it seems. Good luck and realize that you have folks here that care. Spiris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
911rat Posted January 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2009 Assume the mortgage?? Who, then, gets the house and what stops her from taking you back to court in a year or two and asking for "her share of the the house "You BOTH owned" ? There's a clause protecting me from that, or so I gather. The issue of appraisal never came up until the last meeting. It had been assumed that the value had dropped below the amount owed due to current market conditions. I'm wondering if my lawyer intends to use the appraisal as leverage? I have both a 401k and 457 plan in addition to a pension, if I retire from my current employer. She has no retirement savings. I honestly wanted this to go as smooth as possible but she's been unwilling to negotiate anything. Her mother (divorced 13 years ago and still bitter) went with her when she went to her lawyers office when she filed. I'm guessing that set the tone to an extent. She initially wanted me to pay her costs and attorney's fees in addition to permanent alimony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 "She initially wanted me to pay her costs and attorney's fees in addition to permanent alimony. " Heck, why stop there?? Go over and move her in her new place, paint the walls and plant a rose garden. compassionate karl "There's a clause protecting me from that, or so I gather" I would double check that. Distrustful karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 Yeah, keep a close eye on everything. Hopefully your lawyer is looking out for you, but keep an eye on him too. MiL directing daughter is a bad sign. "What can we get out of that b@$t@rd? This is how we'll 'get' him..." You gotta play hard ball, because they are. So, if you owe 100 on the house and it's worth 80 now, and if you take the mortgage, she owes you 10. No alimony. Tell her she can get money from her new "friends," the ones that you have copies of their correspondence. Back up all your data sets, burn them to a disk and hand them to the lawyer "for safe keeping." You need to keep a cool head. Step back from the whole thing, be calm, plan your exit strategy to YOUR advantage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
911rat Posted January 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 Just got off the phone with my lawyer. He had emailed me and told me to call him to discuss the appraisal. He IS using the appraisal against her. I asked what she was asking for in alimony and he said he didn't really know and wasn't going to make any offers. He's planning to call her lawyer and ask what she wants to do now, and he said it was obvious to everyone that my wife's claim that she was about to lose her job was BS. Yeah, it's funny, she took hardly anything when she moved out. We agreed we'd keep our own stuff and anything that was a gift from our respective families. I'm left with no bedroom furniture, no biggy. She apparently can afford new kitchenware, towels etc.. A new bed and new couch. Anyway, it's nice to hear some good news and it looks like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Next court date is next Wed. BTW I'm taking a new friend shooting this week. I'm really looking forward to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roscoedoh Posted January 19, 2009 Report Share Posted January 19, 2009 BTW I'm taking a new friend shooting this week. I'm really looking forward to it. Amen brother! Remember, hold your head up high, poke your chest out, and soldier on. You'll come out on top. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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