Sailormilan2 Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 My girlfriend has just called it quits between us. Without whining about it, and going into too many details, she is letting her kids rule her life. They want me out of her life, so I am out. I have just received an email from her that she is sending me stuff she bought me early for my birthday this month. I really want nothing more from her. Am I being petty and small by refusing it? She also seems to expect me to build her a rifle. Something we had discussed. She has offered to pay for it. But I am having a hard time justifying building a rifle for her, knowing that in all reality it will never get used. Plus it just means more contact with her. Something I really don't want at this time. I am a man of my word, and I did promise to build one for her. However, I think a Dear John letter negates any promises made. So, am I being a jerk by refusing now to build it for her? I don't think so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gun nutty Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 I'm no psychologist, but I have stayed at a Super 8. If her kids are running her life for her, she's an enabler. Her guilt of being a single mom is an ugly mess, and she'd rather be "Friend" than "Mom" to her kids. That will never, ever change. You will always take a back seat. Her children will always (ALWAYS!) have a home in her home. You are more like a piece of furniture than a companion: useful when needed, but conveniently out of the way when "more important" issues arise. Good moving on now. You like to build guns, and she's willing to pay for parts for you to do so... Dilemma indeed. Was your motivation for building a gun for her to please her, or an excuse to tinker? I'm guessing the latter; it's OK to be a little selfish. You can always work on it and drop it off in six months when you cool down. Maybe by then she won't want it, and (GASP!) you'll have another fine toy to play with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.Hess Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 This is not a good thing and advice from us on teh webz is worth what it costs: Zip. But, personally, I'd say, bu-bye. She wants out, let her keep her stuff and you keep your rifle building skills. Building rifles for ex's isn't really a good thing to do, in my opinion. Your promise to build a rifle ended when the relationship did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sailormilan2 Posted April 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 Thanks for the replies, guys. I just wanted some confirmation on my feelings. Trying not to over react here, and I know what I am capable of saying. I want to be fair and not petty. Trying to ignore the post Dear John Emails from her(3 so far), and text messages(again 3 so far). I may end up having to block her number. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swamprat Posted April 6, 2011 Report Share Posted April 6, 2011 I agree cut the cord and let her go. No contact and for sure no rifle. The rifle would just end up going to the kids that don't want you around. So as somebody somewhere said at least once, Screw'em! Swamprat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
724wd Posted April 7, 2011 Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 skip the birthday gifts and skip building her a rifle. she made her choice. piss on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gun nutty Posted April 7, 2011 Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 Not sure why she keeps calling you... once again, guilt? She made a choice, and it's time to move on. If you want to stop her from trying to track you down, send her a brief text message letting her know that you need your space and you will reach out to her if and when you're ready. If she really respects you, an "OK" should be all that is replied. Breakups suck, and closure is painful. Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted April 7, 2011 Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 I've been in your position before, and it is a bummer. I'm sorry to hear about it. Moms and their kids- you just know that the kids are the numero uno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken98k Posted April 9, 2011 Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 I've been in your position before, and it is a bummer. I'm sorry to hear about it. Moms and their kids- you just know that the kids are the numero uno. I've been in a similar situation (twice) My advice is to NOT give her any firearm! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted April 9, 2011 Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 Once they are gone...they are gone. Return the gifts..unopened and forget the rifle. Otherwise, the relationship will continue but ONLY on grounds and limits set by her kids. Don't let her children run your life. Karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roscoedoh Posted April 9, 2011 Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 Although there are some people who just aren't meant to be together and get along great as friends afterwards, I do not suspect this to be the case here. If she wants to mail you your birthday stuff and have you build her a rifle, it sounds to me like she doesn't want a relationship with you but still feels entitled to be in some part of your life. In which case, I'd say you're being played for a fool. My earnest advise for you is to simply walk away from the entire situation. Turn "it" off and remove her and her children from your life entirely. If you weren't getting along with her kids and she no longer wishes to maintain a relationship with you, she has willingly excluded herself from any future benefits she may have obtained by being in your life. And, such being the case, there is therefore no valid reason for maintaining any form of communication with her. Tell her to return your birthday stuff because you don't want it and that you don't have time to build her a rifle. There's no need to "keep your word" or worry about hurting her feelings - that all became a moot point when she discontinued her relationship with you. Remember, you owe her nothing and she owes you nothing in return. *Cut ties and be done with the entire situation.* I can identify with what you're going through because I've allowed it to happen to me and have watched friends deal with this situation as well. The bottom line is: you have to do what's best for Sailormilan. Since you obviously weren't meant to be together cut ties with her and move on. Find a replacement. There's lots of women out there who are looking for a fellow like you and whom would probably make you happier. Don't dote on this one - just move on and keep on truckin' till you find that special one you've been looking for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sailormilan2 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 Well, I am actually doing ok with it so far. Also, so far, no package. Maybe she got the hint when I have failed to answer or respond to any of her emails or texts. The funny one was when she sent me a text message asking, "R u ok Hun?". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted April 9, 2011 Report Share Posted April 9, 2011 Don't let her play the "let's be friends" game. YOU will end up mowing her lawn and driving her kids around while she "shares" with you her joy in the new "love" she has found...all the while telling the "girls" what an ass you are. Karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken98k Posted April 10, 2011 Report Share Posted April 10, 2011 Well, I am actually doing ok with it so far. Also, so far, no package. Maybe she got the hint when I have failed to answer or respond to any of her emails or texts. The funny one was when she sent me a text message asking, "R u ok Hun?". A+ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sailormilan2 Posted April 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) Update: I got the package yesterday, which I assume contained some clothes(box was from LL Bean) and possibly other things. I returned it today, unopened, marked "Refused". Interesting note. Several of my friends know what happened. Most of the women said, "Keep the package. If she wanted to give it to you should keep it". All of the men(and one woman) said basically, "Screw her. Send the package back." So, when I get home from lunch today, there is another box waiting for me. It has my watch in it, that she got me for Christmas. She had to take it back to get fixed under warranty. Great!(sarcasm) Now I have to decide if I want to keep it or send it back too. Edited April 13, 2011 by Sailormilan2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Send it back. karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limpid Lizard Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 This is classic cheater behavior. You most likely are being kept on the hook until she figures out whether she is the player or the played in the new relationship. I'd either ask her to quit contacting me as it was upsetting to the new girlfriend, or ignore her depending on my mood at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken98k Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Send the watch back. Make it known you wish to cut all ties to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sailormilan2 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Well, I openned to box to check everything out. Mistake. Watch wasn't fixed. She was supposed to get it fixed since she had the receipt. There was a copy of the receipt with in the box. She shipped it to me in a Sephora box. Sephora is a cosmetics chain that lurks in the malls out here. Box reeked of her perfume. I don't know if at one time there was a leak in the box and packing papers, or if she "leaked" some perfume. My poor hanky reeks of it. I had to take the box out to the garbage to get the smell out of the house. Now I have to wash the hanky. Man that stuff is strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karlunity Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 She leaked it. LL is right. She wants to keep you as backup...that would be good for her but suck for you. Even if she shows up at your house with a case of beer..a bottle of Scotch and a string bikini close the door in her face.,,go fishing or better still hunting for a new girl. There are lots of good women out there. Karl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ken98k Posted April 14, 2011 Report Share Posted April 14, 2011 There are lots of good women out there. Karl Send a few up this way! I've been thinking about a new bumper sticker for my truck "Alaska, where the men are miners and the women are gold diggers" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenden Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 Only advice I can give is not to become sexually frustrated and chase your neighbor’s cows. (I saw that on a t.v show the other night; think it was House ) Kenny, if I can get one to stay unconscious long enough, I will ship one to you. Brenden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roscoedoh Posted April 15, 2011 Report Share Posted April 15, 2011 I'd either ask her to quit contacting me as it was upsetting to the new girlfriend. We have a winner!! Tell her this and she's liable to never talk to you again! (Which is a win for you, right??) Getting back on topic - its passed time to break contact with her. She's jerking you around; end it and be done with her. No more of this foolishness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiris Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 I'm twice divorced, and I say close the door, and consider yourself lucky. Spiris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FC Posted April 16, 2011 Report Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't know- sounds like she is double-minded. She does and doesn't want a relationship with you is a possibility. Tough position, and a tough decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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